HUMOUR

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him,
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."

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Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: George!

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Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Willy: Me!

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Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson.

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Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many mistakes in one day?
Alfred: I get up early.

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Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Student: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours.

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Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Harold: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

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Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." That's what I did.

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Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
Don: I hope you didn't either.

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Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

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Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

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Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Sylvia: Your name on this report card.

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Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

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Hygiene Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Jose: Don't bite any.

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Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
Ellen: I is...
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say "I am."
Ellen: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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Teacher: Max, use "defeat," "defense" and "detail" in a sentence.
Max: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.

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Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Junior: You said it was my lunch money.

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Teacher: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you have?
Sasha: A new bike.

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Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Vincent (sadly): You don't know my father.

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Teacher: If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what would I have?
Class Comedian: Big hands!

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"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"

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After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.

Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

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