ACTUAL CHURCH BULLETINS...
* The 1991 Spring Council retreat will be hell May 10 & 11.
* Pastor is on vacation.
* The ladies of the church have cast-off clothing of every kind
* Don't let worry kill you.
* The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
* A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church.
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church.
* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning...
to join the choir.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
* Irving Beltson and Jessie were married on October 24 in the church.
* The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
Massages can be given to church secretary.
and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
Let the Church help.
"I Upped My Pledge - Now Up Yours."
It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
Superbowl Sunday....
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his company.
About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yardline. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him,
The man says "No."
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him,
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967." "Well, that's really sad," said Joe, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?"
"No," the man replies, "They're all at the funeral."
"Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
"This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?!"
In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling at me,
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter, ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.
Sticking it in my face she said...
"See, it says right here,
"You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!"
'The three wise man came from afar.'"
...for MORE
HUMOUR!!!