On this page you will find...
- READING BETWEEN THE LINES
- MEN are like...
- Why Men Are Glad They Are MEN
READING BETWEEEN THE LINES
John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers.
1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.
A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.
Kindly read only the odd numbered lines above (1, 3, 5, etc...) for my
true assessment of him.
MEN are like...
Men are like...newborn babies
They're cute at first,
but you get tired of picking up their crap.
Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up
when there's food on the table.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run
at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency,
but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction,
but that's about it.
Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at,
but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money,
they don't generate much interest.
Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on
once you get the hang of it.
Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot,
and they're always in your hair.
Men are like...power tools.
They make a lot of noise,
but it's hard to get them to work.
Men are like.. Remote controls.
Simple. Easy to use,
and usually lying around a TV.
Men are like...soap operas.
They're fun to watch,
but don't believe everything you hear.
Men are like..pillows.
Eventually, even the best ones
get soft and lumpy.
Men are like...old car tires.
Balding, full of hot air,
and it never hurts to have a spare.
Men are like..plastic wrap.
and very easy to see through.
Men are like...chocolate bars.
and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like..coffee
The best ones are rich, warm
and can keep you up all night.
Men are like...plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store
or the bathroom.
Why Men Are Glad They Are MEN
Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about military tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking:
"He must be mad at me."
Same work - more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with
"So, notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
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