HUMOUR

On this page you will find...

- 17 Ways How You Can Tell It's Going To Be A Rotten Day
- A Survival Kit for Everyday Life
- Assorted QUIPS & HAHA's



17 WAYS HOW YOU CAN TELL IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY!!

- 1 - You wake up Face Down on the Footpath.

- 2 - You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.

- 3 - You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

- 4 - You see a `60 minutesī team waiting in your office.

- 5 - Your Birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

- 6 - You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.

- 7 - You put on the news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.

- 8 - Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

- 9 - Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of `Hellīs Angelsī down the freeway.

- 10- The boss tells you not to bother taking your coat off.

- 11- The bird singing outside your window is a Vulture.

- 12- You walk to work and then find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose. (Even Worse for Ladies)

- 13- You call your answering service and they tell you that its none of your business.

- 14- Your blind date turns out to be your wife.

- 15- Your income tax cheque bounces.

- 16- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

- 17- Your wife say's "Good morning, Bill" and your name is Fred.


 ***A*** ***SURVIVAL*** ***KIT***
  ***FOR*** ***EVERYDAY*** LIFE***

            ***TOOTHPICK***
 To remind you to pick the good qualities in everyone, including yourself.

           ***RUBBERBAND***
To remind you to be flexible.
 Things might not always go the way you want, but it can be worked out.

      ***BAND-AID ***
To remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or someone else's.

           ***ERASER***
To remind you everyone makes mistakes.
That's okay, we learn by our errors.

      ***CANDY KISSes***
To remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment every day.

     ***MINT***
 To remind you that you are worth a mint to your family.

           ***BUBBLE GUM***
To remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything.

          ***PENCIL***
 To remind you to list your blessings every day.

        ***TEA BAG***
 To remind you to take time to relax daily and go over that list of blessings.

    

***This***is what makes LIFE worth living every minute every day!

Assorted QUIPS & HAHA's

- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
- Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.




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