On this page you will find...

- the BEST and WORST...


- Roll Over... Beethoven

The Best and Worst ...
Country-Western Song Titles:

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth
'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

Her Teeth Was Stained,
But Her Heart Was Pure

How Can I Miss You
If You Won't Go Away?

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself
Or Go Bowling

I Got In At 2 With A 10
And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl,
But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

I Keep Forgettin'
I Forgot About You

I Liked You Better
Before I Knew You So Well

I Still Miss You Baby,
But My Aim's Gettin' Better

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight,
Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'll Marry You Tomorrow
But Let's Honeymoon Tonite

I'm So Miserable Without You,
It's Like Having You Here

I've Got Tears in My Ears
From Lying On My Back in My Bed
While I Cry Over You

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life,
Then Number Two On You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To,
I'd Be Out By Now

Mama Get A Hammer,
(There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink,
And I Don't Love Jesus

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend,
and I Sure Do Miss Him

Please Bypass this Heart

She Got The Ring
and I Got The Finger

You Done Tore Out My Heart,
and Stomped that Sucker Flat

You're the Reason
Our Kids Are So Ugly

And of course,

"She Got the Goldmine,
I got the Shaft!"

Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said
"Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said,
"I do...Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said,
"I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.

The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said,
"Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said,
"Sure, Kemosabe"
and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks,
"Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims,
"I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,...
"Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."

Roll Over...Beethoven

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music.

No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.  

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827.  

Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.

When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward.

The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the  5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

 "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.   

[Guess now, before scrolling down for the answer]

             he's decomposing!!