HUMOUR

On this page you will find...

- Poignant Definitions

- TOP 10 Worst Cartoon Characters


Excuses, excuses...! (School)

The following notes are reported to be actual notes sent in to teachers by parents:



My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

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Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

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Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

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Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

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Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

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John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

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Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

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Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

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Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

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Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

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I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

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Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

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Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

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POIGNANT DEFINITIONS:

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MYTH:
A female moth.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines

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Top 10 Worst Cartoon Characters

#10 TWEETY BIRD -
You know there's a problem when every single kid roots for the "hero" to be devoured in each episode.
No sense of humor. No personality. Annoying voice. Plus he was always tattling.
I knew kids like this growing up. Most of them ate paste, sat in the front of the bus, and got me in trouble.

#9- GRAPE APE -
A real moron. All he knows how to say is his name, and he does so, non-stop, for a half an hour.
I'd rather watch "Davey and Goliath".

#8- OLIVE OYLE -
Am I the only one out there who thought this was one lady NOT worth fighting over? And that's what they did every episode!
She talks like Edith Bunker and looks like a pipe cleaner with a cheap hat.
Hey, Popeye, you're a sailor... you can do better! Plus, Olive can never decide if she wants to date that jerk Bluto or not. The girl is just bad news.

#7- PETUNIA PIG -
Porky's girlfriend, remember her?? She was a real zero. What was the point of her anyway? To make Porky look good? Come on, who did they think they were fooling. We all know Porky is gay.

#6- PEBBLES & BAM-BAM(as teenagers) -
What were they thinking? Were they trying to cash in on the "Joanie loves Chachi" thing? And how come every cartoon teenager plays in a crummy rock band? An awful, and thankfully short-lived, idea.

#5- PEPE LE PEW -
Hello, Warner Brothers, ever heard of sexual harassment? Let's take a good look at this character: a horny, rapist skunk who's attracted to other species! NOT good for the kids. Plus, worse still, he's French.

#4- ALAN(from Josie and the Pussy Cats) -
How weak was this "Fred" clone? They even gave him an ascot, for crying out loud. Well, I knew Fred. I grew up with Fred. Fred was like a friend of mine. Let me tell you something...you're no Fred.

#3- ZAN AND ZANA(The Wonder Twins) -
How many times do we have to say it?Leave the crime fighting to the professionals! "Form of... an idiot!" They should have been voted out of the Hall of Justice a long time ago. There's no room for dead weight in this game.

#2- KAZOO(from the Flintstones) -
It's like, "Hmmm, a miniature, green spaceman who appears only to Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble isn't enough of a stretch. I know! Let's give him a snotty London accent!" Um, could I get a drug test from Hanna Barbara, please?

#1- SCRAPPY DOO -
And, really, who else COULD be number one? This guy ruined Scooby Doo! Just came in and ruined it! Scrappy is the Yoko Ono of Saturday morning cartoons. I can't even talk about it anymore. It's too upsetting.

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