HUMOUR

On this page you will find...

- A Case of ... Lion To Your Mother-in-law

- KISS THE OTHER CHEEK

- "Welcome to ...
TECHNOLOGY ISLAND!"


A Case of ... Lion to your Mother-in-law!

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.

One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it!"


KISS THE OTHER CHEEK

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin from his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the womans new beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She looked at him and said, "Dear, I want to thank you for everthing you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


"Welcome to...

Technology Island!"

An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life...'till the boat sank.

The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing.   Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months he is lying on the beach one day, when the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen rows up to him.

In disbelief, he asked her, "Where did you come from? how did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she replied, "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

Amazing." he said, "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"Oh this?" she said, "I made the rowboat out of raw materials that I found on the island, the oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware, how did you manage?"

"Oh. that was no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvia; rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forge able ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy was stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she said.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looked onto shore he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

No, no, thank you" he said, still dazed, "can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to it's end inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he mused. "What's next?"

When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know...." She stared into his eyes.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?


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