God created the mule, and told him,
"You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."   

The mule answered,
"To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."

And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him,
"You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and   live for 25 years."

And the dog responded,
"Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years."

And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him,
"You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."

And the monkey responded,
"Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years."

And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him,
"You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."

And the man responded,
"Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."

And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man,
then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back.
Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry;
then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren.

And it is so !!

Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.
                                -God


  C'mon over and bring the kids.
                                -God


  What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand?
                                -God


  We need to talk.
                                -God


  Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.
                                -God


  Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.
                                -God


  That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it.
                                -God


  I love you and you and you and you and...
                               -God


  Will the road you're on get you to my place?
                               -God


  Follow me.
                               -God


  Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding.
                                -God


  My way is the highway.
                               -God


  Need directions?
                               -God


  You think it's hot here?
                               -God


  Have you read my #1 best seller?  There will be a test.
                               -God


  Do you have any idea where you're going?
                               -God


  (And my personal favorite...)
  Don't make me come down there.
                               -God

These were sent to me by a friend of TOOLKOOL (and my hubby)... 

  PLEASE VISIT HIS HOMEPAGE AND SIGN HIS GUEST BOOK:
(tell him HOT sent you!)

https://www.angelfire.com/al/gordon1fan  

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, Hooked on Math," special learning centers-in short, everything that they could think of.

Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room and starts studying.

Books and paper are spread out all over the room and Little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed.

She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before.


This goes on for some time, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, Little Tommy brings home his report card.

He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books.

With great trepidation his mom looks at it and to her surprise, Little Tommy got an A in Math!

She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and asks,
"Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head.

"Well then," She replies "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?

Little Tommy looks at her and says,
"Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around!"