Changes to the English Language...
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro- English".
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'.
The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k'.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v'.
During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evriun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.
Zen Z Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru!!!
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
1. Some people are very bossy and like to tell everyone what to do, but of course they do not wish to soil their hands.
You might call that type "Dick Tator."
2. Some people never seem to be motivated to participate. They are content to watch while others do.
They are "Speck Tators."
3. Some people never do anything to help, but they are gifted at finding fault with the way others do things.
They might be called "Comment Taters."
4. Some people are always looking for ways to cause problems. They look or others to agree with them.
You call them "Aggie Taters."
5. Then there are those who always say they will, but somehow never get around to doing anything.
They are "Hezzie Taters."
6. Some people put on a front and act like they are someone they are not.
They are "Emma Taters."
7. Still, there are those who live what they talk. They are always prepared to stop what they are doing to lend a hand. They bring real sunshine into others' lives.
You might call them "Sweet Taters."
Benign.........................
Artery.........................
Bacteria.......................
Barium.........................
Cesarean Section...............
Catscan........................
Cauterize......................
Colic..........................
Coma...........................
D&C............................
Dilate.........................
Enema..........................
Fester.........................
Fibula.........................
Genital........................
G.I.Series.....................
Hangnail.......................
Impotent.......................
Labor Pain.....................
Medical Staff..................
Morbid.........................
Nitrates.......................
Node...........................
Outpatient.....................
Pap Smear......................
Pelvis.........................
Post Operative.................
Recovery Room..................
Rectum.........................
Secretion......................
Seizure........................
Tablet.........................
Terminal Illness...............
Tumor..........................
Urine..........................
Varicose.......................
What you be after you be eight.
The study of paintings.
Back door to cafeteria.
What doctors do when patients die.
A neighborhood in Rome.
Searching for Kitty.
Made eye contact with her.
A sheep dog.
A punctuation mark.
Where Washington is.
To live long.
Not a friend.
Quicker than someone else.
A small lie.
Non-Jewish person.
World Series of military baseball.
What you hang your coat on.
Distinguished, well known.
Getting hurt at work.
A Doctor's cane.
A higher offer than I bid.
Cheaper than day rates.
I knew it.
A person who has fainted.
A fatherhood test.
Second cousin to Elvis.
A letter carrier.
Place to do upholstery.
Damn near killed him.
Hiding something
Roman emperor.
A small table.
Getting sick at the airport.
More than one.
Opposite of you're out
Near by/close by
...for MORE
HUMOUR!!!