Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If a pig loses it's voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? 

Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is it that when we bounce a check, the bank charges us more of what they already know we don't have any of?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?

Why is it that no words in the English language rhyme with month, orange, silver, or purple?

Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?

Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why is a wise man and wise guy opposites?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?

If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn't a Portuguese person be called a Portugoose?

Why is a procrastinator's work never done?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland  called "Holes?"

If careless means without care, why doesn't wreckless mean without wreck?

====================================== PLURALS

We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

The one fowl is a goose but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may found a lone mouse or a whole set of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot,
would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural wouldn't be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say Mother,
we never say Methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim.

So English, I fancy you will all agree,
Is the funniest language you ever did see!

And What About...

There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes
we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day And as cold as hell on another?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up
as It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people,
not computers
And it reflects the creativity
of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why...
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out
they are invisible
And why it is...
that when I wind up my watch It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends?